"Dear Cheyenne"

An excerpt from the book, Dear Cheyenne:

Manifesto of My Grieving Heart, Mother’s Day, 2002

This is my path. It was not a path of my choice, but it is a path I must walk with careful consideration. It is a journey through grief that takes time. It is a process that will drain my resources and my energy. I may be impatient and unfocused. I may get angry easily. I won’t smile as often as I used to. Smiling hurts now. It never used to. Most everything hurts now, even breathing. Please be gentle with me.  I will not ever "get over it" so please don’t urge me down that path. Even if it seems like I am having a good day, maybe I am even able to smile for a moment, the pain is just beneath the surface of my skin. Every cell in my body aches. The guilt is debilitating. My chest has a nearly constant sinking pain and sometimes I feel as if I will explode from the grief...Remember that grief is as personal to each individual as a fingerprint. Don't tell me how I should or shouldn’t be doing it or that I should or shouldn’t “feel better by now.” Don't tell me what's right or wrong. I'm doing it my way, in my time. If I am to survive this, I must do what is best for me. Survival is a part of seeing life’s meaning differently. What I knew to be true or absolute has been challenged so my perspectives are changing. Things that once seemed important to me are barely thoughts any longer...Don’t tell me that “God has a plan” for me. That seems easy to say coming from a person who tucks their own child into a safe, warm bed at night...Oh, perhaps as time passes, I will discover new meanings and insights about what my child’s death means to me. Perhaps, one day, when I am very, very old, I will say that time has truly helped to heal my broken heart. But always remember that not a day passes without thoughts of my child, no matter how many years have passed. Love never dies.  And this year, on Mother’s Day, don’t forget that I have another one, another child, albeit invisible to your eye. Don’t forget to say, “How are you really feeling this Mother’s Day?” Don’t forget that even if I have living children, my heart still aches for the
one who is absent—
for I am never quite complete
without my child.  

(c) 1999, 2007  All Rights Reserved

The book Dear Cheyenne is a tender tribute written by a grieving mother. It’s not an academic text; rather, it’s the raw journey through the death of a baby from one woman’s experience.

Dear Cheyenne is an extremely helpful book for anyone who has suffered the unspeakable loss of a child, or knows someone who has. Dr. Cacciatore touches the deep, hidden places of pain and grief, and leaves parents with a true message of hope and love, reminding them they are not alone in this sad journey. After the loss of our daughter, Emily, I read this book twice and gave it to several people close to me. Truly a wonderful tribute to all the children "who lived, who died and who continue-even in death-to matter.
-Kristen Jared, California

Dear Cheyenne was the most helpful and comforting book I have read since the death of our daughter. It validated for me that how I felt was very real and normal after the loss of a child. I realized that as a bereaved parent, I was not alone. I had our family read this book so they would know better how to support us during this time of great sadness and loss in our lives. This book will truly allow you to see through the eyes of a bereaved parent.
-Lee Ann Morlan, Arizona

I read this book on a flight from Arizona to Mexico City. I just couldn't put it down! I've read it frequently after that. Having read many books for bereaved parents, I have found that Dear Cheyenne is one of the best.  Joanne Cacciatore has the gift of putting into words all of the feelings most bereaved have...If you are a bereaved parent this book is a must, it will help through the grief journey.
-Carla Hoffman, Mexico

I couldn't put this book down. A nurse at the hospital recommended it. Our child was older (six years) when he died, yet this woman experienced the exact emotions that I felt during those early months. But the real intensity of the book was in the incredible things that happened to her! It inspired me and made me more aware of the gifts and miracles that have happened to us since John's death. I would recommend this book to every person in the world. There isn't anyone who couldn't benefit by reading it. 
-Tracy Williams, California

You can order Dear Cheyenne here.

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